Ugh

Ok, so after my last update I kind of felt backwards a little bit. I was really hungry during class and I decided to buy some chips. They were 240 calories so by the time I got out of class, I had an overall calorie intake of about 635 calories. But, I got home and my mom made really yummie food. I ended up having a small serving of pasta with cheese, so I'm guessing that today I consumed around 1500 calories?

Which, is still not THAT bad. But, I wish I would have had more will power.

Better luck tomorrow.

Update on Day 1

Ok. Right now I'm at school and so far I think I've done fairly well. I didn't follow my plan as I typed them earlier today, but I think I'm still ok. This is what I've had so far....

Breakfast:

• 1/2 yogurt
• water
• 5 cigarettes

Lunch:

• Small (really small) salad. No Dressing.
• Water

Snack:

• Tall Caramel Machiatto

So, that all adds up to around 395 calories. Technically speaking, I'm done eating for the day. I will not allow myself to digest anything else but water. No gum, no more cigarettes, no more of anything. That's it for today. When I get home, I'll do 100 sit ups, crunches, etc. After that, I'm going to take a really cold shower so that I can burn some more calories. I'm probably going to sleep without a blanket tonight too.

I will not eat for the rest of the day.

I will not!

I must be thin. I have to lose weight.

I'll keep updating regularly to keep myself from eating. If any pro anas are looking at this, please give support! It will be greatly appreciated.

Day 1

Alright. So, I'm back to my Ana ways. Although, yesterday I hung out with Mia for a bit. I've been eating like a complete maniac lately. Everything I see, I eat AND I'm not even freaking hungry half the time. Yesterday, I went completely crazy and ate an entire mini bucket of ice cream for a grand total of 1050 calories in a sitting. On top of that, I had eaten two bagels with cream cheese and a yogurt with granola. What am I doing? So, after that massive, horrible binge--I threw up. It felt great. I felt great. Anyway, so now I've decided to drastically restrict for a few weeks and then go back to vegetarianism and 800 cals a day.

Today is day 1 of a semi-fast.

Breakfast:

1/2 of a yougurt (85 calories)
Water
4 or 5 cigarettes

Lunch:

Diet Pepsi
Cigarettes

Dinner:

Banana
Water
Cigarettes


HW: 170 lbs
LW: 143 lbs
CW: 165.4 lbs
GW1: 158 lbs
GW2: 155 lbs
GW3: 150 lbs
GW4: 145 lbs
GW5: 140 lbs

Bonjour!

This blog is not for anyone, except for myself. I like to write and since carrying a journal is no longer "fashionable," then I guess I'll start blogging from now on.

It's always weird to blog on the web. It sort of feels like I'm talking to myself in the mirror and everyone is watching me do it. I've had blogs before, but they all had a purpose. This one...not so much.

Bottom line is, I guess I'm writing to let my feelings out and try to feel better. I'm a very quiet person and most of the time, I spend my entire day without talking. It gets lonely.

I wish, I had more to say at the moment. Maybe, I'll come up with something to say around 3 in the morning.